Jacob Lawrence, "Depression" (1950)
Jacob Lawrence, Depression (1950)

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December 3, 2007:

For most of my life I lived with the fantasy that if only I had a different lover everything would be better.

It's probably the standard garden-variety fantasy that salvation comes from outside. It felt like grasping for a life rope.

I don't have that fantasy now. I just want to be alone. Left to rest, recuperate, reconnect with my own life.

I know that's not possible. I took on this committment. I will uphold my responsibility.

Still the fantasy is strong, and strikingly sad.



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