September 20, 2002:

Isn't she a closet dom?

When we first met one of the things I most admired her for was her great love of children and animals. She said that to her they were "innocent," which meant, uncomplicit in the world's meanness. I thought I understood that.

Lately it's not so clear. Isn't power the one true reality for her?

As a child people called her "bossy." As an adult we call it controlling.

Wasn't the innocence she loved really nothing but helplessness in relation to herself?