November 20, 2017:

Straight through those ten weeks my journals ignore the trip itself, focused almost exclusively on inward states of confusion, over the woman I was with and the women I wanted who were far, far away.

Should I, shouldn't I, what does it mean, what do I feel, what does she want, what do I want from her, what chance would we have if we both did say yes?

Things don't change. They never have.

Today again there's someone I care for and am confused by, back home, far, far away, to whom my drifting thoughts return again and again, the magnet who collects them, with her humor and her beauty and her patience.

Should I, shouldn't I, what does it mean, what do I feel, what does she want, what do I want from her, what chance would we have if we both did say yes?

Dionysus god of wine, direct us!