June 3, 2019:
City boy on a very old horse.
Short in the saddle. Cowboy hat, tennies, his mother's dark shades.
It's not his world.
It's not even a real world. The Wild West affectation: there's nothing wild in this west. It's a business, a large one, a rural factory of wheat and beef, fully mechanized, not in the least bit small.
He was excited to ride the horse. The horse wasn't. They remained on speaking terms, but they were never close.
June 2, 2019:
Posed, but, cleverly executed.
They've got me at the wheel of the tractor, looking backward to reverse, hands turning the wheel hard. It's entirely static but my posture is correct. I could, indeed, be backing up.
There it is, captured on the steppe. Looking backward, trying to go backward, not going anywhere. You could have stopped my life right there.
June 1, 2019:
Boy with grandfather, alone with their tractor, somewhere on the vast and empty steppe.
Granddad looks proud, here. There's almost a smile.
I have his DNA. Of all these people I resemble him most, and one of his brothers. From him I have the shape of my hairline, and the tendency to bellyfat. From his brother, the lanky physique, the intelligence, the penchant for very silly humor.
In a closet I have his watch, his Sunday Stetson. In my pocket I have his Peace Dollar. That latter is probably my most important inheritance.
- May 31, 2019: When it ends you're left more lonely than before it started...
- May 30, 2019: All Things Must Pass.
- May 29, 2019: We drove downtown to see the skyscraper.
- May 28, 2019: The Little Rapist climbs a tree!
- May 27, 2019: Solemn, without smile.
- May 26, 2019: Bored, at the wheel of the tractor.
- May 25, 2019: Bored, in cowboy hat.
- May 24, 2019: Rapt, with jigsaw puzzle.
- May 23, 2019: Escape from Stalag 4-5-6!
- May 22, 2019: Documenting my bedroom.
- May 21, 2019: I still have the little bookcases.
- May 20, 2019: Godzilla.
- May 19, 2019: I no longer have the jet fighter simulator.
- May 18, 2019: I still have those little bookcases.
- May 17, 2019: Documentation of the neighborhood.
- May 16, 2019: Forty-two-sixty-one.
- May 15, 2019: Little Nehru at the boundary.
- May 14, 2019: Isopropyl and sea salt.
- May 13, 2019: Rebellion: to do what you're supposed to not do.
- May 12, 2019: It was a "date", but an unsatisfactory one.
- May 11, 2019: He's a snob.
- May 10, 2019: Still, while I loved her madly, I came to feel terribly guilty.
- May 9, 2019: When we first met her name was "Kippie".
- May 8, 2019: It got worse each time she perceived rejection.
- May 7, 2019: Yah I got excited.
- May 6, 2019: And I really am ok with that.
- May 5, 2019: Claustrophobia.
- May 4, 2019: We're not as close as we were.
- May 3, 2019: She said, "I love the way you touch me." Then we broke up.
- May 2, 2019: There was a minute when I thought I wouldn't be lonely.
- May 1, 2019: I was fascinated by Godzilla, though I'd not yet seen the films.
- April 30, 2019: She had chickens, doves, three cats.
- April 29, 2019: He meant well...
- April 28, 2019: Sunset over the Thames.
- April 27, 2019: I didn't think it was possible to experience that much pain and survive.
- April 26, 2019: Graduation.
- April 25, 2019: Dockers, white, wrinkled.
- April 24, 2019: Although I thought about it constantly, suicide was not gonna happen.
- April 23, 2019: I don't know why I'm so hostile to that one.
- April 22, 2019: Polaroids.
- April 21, 2019: All that sexual braggadocio.
- April 20, 2019: There's nothing more sad than throwing away your ex-lover's toothbrush.
- April 19, 2019: We never had proper sex.
- April 18, 2019: Lone cowpoke on the wild wide prairie.
- April 17, 2019: We were friends our whole life.
- April 16, 2019: There's a gap.
- April 15, 2019: It was a conflict between her son and The Authorities...
- April 14, 2019: Old things, with her smell.
- April 13, 2019: "This would have been a darling picture..."
- April 12, 2019: Post-divorce the nomenclature changes.
- April 11, 2019: They were so much younger.
- April 10, 2019: The optimism of her "Our Family" album.
- April 9, 2019: Did she enter that marriage with enthusiasm, or did she know?
- April 8, 2019: They were vibrant when they were young.
- April 7, 2019: The young sophisticates.
- April 6, 2019: Wildly different from picture to picture.
- April 5, 2019: Houses of the Holy was not Christmas...
- April 4, 2019: Christmas.
- April 3, 2019: There's a smug character to her band pictures...
- April 2, 2019: Serious boys in the vegetable patch.
- April 1, 2019: "Betty"...