June 28, 2016:

It's like a switch is thrown in your brain. For months you're on upswing, elated even, feeling stronger and more capable day by day. Then one morning you want to be in the dark, in bed, with the covers up to your chin, eating cake.

For me that happened in a hotel room while I traveled for work. I was able to carry on. But since then the sense of optimism I'd enjoyed is shattered, my relationships with friends and lovers are diminished, and I live in fear that crippling darkness may descend.

After years of avoidance the only rational option is medication. I made the appointment before returning home.