December 2, 2021:
All the struggles.
All the wars, the deaths, the murders.
All the illusions of progress.
All the paintings. All the books. All the poems and the songs and the movies.
All the weddings. All the funerals.
All the love and all the babies.
All the promises.
All the illusions of progress.
All for nothing. All for naught.
Because we lost.
Because we failed.
The old Socialists said: Socialism or Barbarism.
They were wrong. The reality was: Socialism or the end of all life on the planet.
Sing:
Downpressor man
Where you gonna run to
All along that day
December 1, 2021:
Tomcats and Top Gun.
We're on the roof, two boys and the binoculars I bought with True Value stamps.
In summer the canyon is dry and smells it. Most days the air is clear enough that with our binocs we can watch F-14s at Miramar.
November 30, 2021:
Election night, Woodland Hills. Over beers and sex on a nine foot bed we watch the world's disaster begin.
Monty Python, Neil Young, weed, tortillas, sex. The one lover who was ever my peer. Who taught the important things it took a later lifetime to internalize.
When would I ever have been ready?
- November 29, 2021: We drove my mother's canary yellow '68 Nova up to the mountains.
- November 28, 2021: "Rain".
- November 27, 2021: Rain.
- November 26, 2021: Peter Jackson, perhaps the world's most successful trivializer of the genius of others...
- November 25, 2021: When my brain was broken I stood up the beautiful girl I'd loved for years.
- November 24, 2021: Very much looking forward to informing the young male server that the attractive young woman I'm with is not my daughter but my date.
- November 23, 2021: I was too far away.
- November 22, 2021: DILF with wild Einstein hair, waterproof boots, black cord blazer over loose Levi's.
- November 21, 2021: She interrupts after half a sentence to insist that my gender disqualifies me from opinion.
- November 20, 2021: He had basic training here.
- November 19, 2021: Isolated.
- November 18, 2021: Tubby, jowly, slack.
- November 17, 2021: There are no veggie options for breakfast.
- November 16, 2021: The air conditioning is out.
- November 15, 2021: I was almost always hungry...
- November 14, 2021: But more than that.
- November 13, 2021: I stood by him for so long.
- November 12, 2021: It was his wife — Lady Macbeth — pushing him to disloyalty.
- November 11, 2021: Symptom of impending crisis.
- November 10, 2021: I watch it over and over because I need to experience goodness, even vicariously.
- November 9, 2021: The owners were millionaires by inheritance.
- November 8, 2021: The "manager" decided to improve his vocabulary.
- November 7, 2021: The "manager"'s title belongs in quotes...
- November 6, 2021: I don't know that I'd ever lied before.
- November 5, 2021: There's a sense in which her irresponsibility matters.
- November 4, 2021: Inevitably, this means my late-in-life hope of forging relationship was never realistic.
- November 3, 2021: The prior presence of cute.
- November 2, 2021: Her relationship with The Beatles was mediated through my relationship with The Beatles.
- November 1, 2021: It's my rowmate's birthday, and he's missing his son's basketball game.
- October 31, 2021: She's like a teenage girl who knows the boys are looking.
- October 30, 2021: In the photos no-one looks happy.
- October 29, 2021: I had no desire to hurt her.
- October 28, 2021: My rowmate is reading a fat novel about dragons, magic and royalty.
- October 27, 2021: A woman we didn't know, too old to be a student, spoke to me about Trotsky.
- October 26, 2021: My much younger colleague shares with me the life of struggle.
- October 25, 2021: Clear as anything she said, "Women and men can't be friends."
- October 24, 2021: Fraudulent claims of battery.
- October 23, 2021: We drove once from Chinook into Canada...
- October 22, 2021: Stripped of his vanity he's an ordinary, even typical, left-ghetto wanker.
- October 21, 2021: Ken, the "ideas guy", feet on the table...
- October 20, 2021: "Give me remorse"...
- October 19, 2021: My colleague is gregarious to the point of insensitivity.
- October 18, 2021: Heroism, not by choice, by necessity.
- October 17, 2021: He was surprisingly aggressive, even confrontational.
- October 16, 2021: The process of emanation through descending levels of reality as theorized by Plotinus...
- October 15, 2021: I've misunderstood the relationship between Gnosticism and Neoplatonism.
- October 14, 2021: Also I suspect (but don't claim to know for certain) a main source for what later became Phenomenology in the broad sense:
- October 13, 2021: The Enneads are structured (by their editor Porphyry) as ritual...
- October 12, 2021: Isolated.
- October 11, 2021: Silence of the doghouse.
- October 10, 2021: Setback, disappointment, depression.
- October 9, 2021: Alcinous wrote:
- October 8, 2021: She was remarkably brave.
- October 7, 2021: I have to hurry through these pictures.
- October 6, 2021: Depression has measurable long-term physiological effects.
- October 5, 2021: Similarities to 1988.
- October 4, 2021: Infinite outcomes...
- October 3, 2021: I consulted the I Ching, it said, Stop bothering me.
- October 2, 2021: Interrupting, my friend says, "We're too old for this now, just hire someone."
- October 1, 2021: We stayed in a house in Piedmont.