August 31, 2018:

You start with such enthusiasm, until reality fucks you in the ass.

Reality: there are other priorities, there are differences in temperament, there's depression along with certain nontrivial ancillary chemical impediments. There's illness, there's fuckups, there's honest misunderstandings, there's two people inevitably at some points wrapped up in their own shit.

There's white lies, 'cos that's easier. There's disappointments. Insecurities, uncertainties. Baggage leading to mistrust.

Sometimes there are simply differences in rhythms. Like, I feel this way today, you feel that way today, so that we're at cross purposes from the moment we awake.

There are failures of communication, of trust, of commitment.

Until the enthusiasm is sucked out of you from your heart through your body down the soles of your shoes into the ground, like electricity bleeding from a leaky battery. And you start wondering, Maybe I should cancel and just stay in...