February 6, 2020:

I'm trying so hard to understand the Bible. Truly throwing myself into it.

But it contradicts itself. "The Lord is my shepherd I shalt not want" — I thought I was supposed to want Him. Why is this telling me not to?

I'm puzzled by the people. They don't live like this. They swear, fight, drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, divorce. They care about money and they hate the poor. I think, These are not our marching orders.

At church I'm dressed in a little suit, I'm in a recital, I'm reading passages to the congregation. The Pastor tells me I'm reading in monotone; I don't know what that means.