February 16, 2020:
It was then I began the disassociation which would last three decades.
This is not my life. This is not my life. This is not my life.
Later I'd tell therapists, "It was like Star Trek. You walk through the wrong door to find yourself in a parallel universe. It looks like your universe — but it's not your universe. These look like your people, but they're not your people.
Your universe, the one you've lost connection with, is the one that existed before the great deluge. When you were still you and there was hope for the future.