March 5, 2020:

We walked down Columbus in the dark.

As she described her frustration she said the same things again and again: "My husband, my husband, my husband."

I liked her. I detested him. ESL instructor with a jones for young Asians. Manipulative, pressuring. Not particularly bright.

I wanted to protect her. And I wanted to free her from him.

In hindsight I realize how starry-eyed I was, and how lonely. Although it should have been obvious she was manipulative in her own way, and definitely not particularly bright, I made excuses on her behalf, all centering on her fairly so-so grasp of the nuances of English. I thought, She's in a foreign culture with a foreign language, she'll cotton-on with experience. That she didn't eventually forced me to reconsider. But that took time.

That night I wanted to protect her. And I was lonely. Our adultery had those contexts, and others. That doesn't mean that years later I approve of the decision.