June 19, 2021:
I thought of you while eating corn chips.
You said, one summer 40 years ago, that some ingredient in corn chips made you feel better — acted as an antidote, admittedly a trivial one, but useful — to depression.
I believe that. Endorphin: I feel that little buzz. For me cake is stronger than corn chips, but the principle is the same. Small bites of comfort.
You're right, though, that the buzzes are not identical. The sugar high from cake is spiky. Rapid uplift, short-lived plateau, long slide to darkness, where the end result is often an ugly crash, unless you keep the party going by eating the entire cake and passing out. The corn chip high is more horizontal than vertical, a generalized feeling of well-being which can be mistaken for earth beneath the feet if you're not careful. A lulled sense of false solidity: I am safe from ugly crashes.
This is the first context in years when I felt happy thinking of you.