June 26, 2021:
It's symptomatic that in twenty years she never visited, not once.
She later claimed she'd been afraid to fly, yet she'd flown to see her other family many times. The dynamic inevitably felt like rejection, and it hurt.
I tried to overcome that. I wanted to. But the solution I proposed was an abstract one which made sense generically, without taking to account the actual people we actually were. It failed, and although she would have died alone either way, because of me she died alone in a place she disliked. A sorrow I can very well understand.