November 11, 2021:
Symptom of impending crisis. When seated I function reasonably, with reasonable focus and reasonable results. Stand and walk for any reason — go to the kitchen, go to the bathroom — any reason — I burst into tears which continue as long as I'm on my feet.
In the past this has signaled worsening, where unaccountable and uncontrollable weeping becomes nearly continuous, punctuated by very short bursts of semi-functioning, for the most part limited to writing.
Perhaps I should talk with my psychiatrist about returning to meds, despite the experience of debilitating side effects which literally came within an ER visit of killing me. Perhaps I should get more sun.
Despite all this I am successfully moving forward, one foot before the next. Tomorrow I see an endodontist about the infected crown which has been abscessed more than a year. Preparation for that required changing insurance, changing oil, putting as in the car, checking tires, and in the morning will require waking on time, showering, using deodorant, brushing teeth, and driving. Perhaps the crying is reaction to the effort expended, where no reserves of emotional energy remain.
Perhaps it's simply that my brain is broken.